Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
