Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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