it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
