You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
