dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Naked Twister starts at high noon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
