Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
