I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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