i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
