She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
