I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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