please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
