i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize