Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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