I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
