direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So many bounce houses so little time
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize