jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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