Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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