i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
