So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
