i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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