You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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