You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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