and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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