the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
