Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
