Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
