I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
