I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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