No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
