dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
