The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
