she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
