you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
