I wish I could teleport
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
