I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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