I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
