He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
