Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
