I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
