Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
