paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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