someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
