Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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