Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
