The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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