ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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