so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
