I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
