? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
