This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
