just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
