We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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