Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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