I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
