then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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