Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
