I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
