please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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