i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
