i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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