my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
wow bdsm is so cute
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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