I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
