i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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