she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
