He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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