I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
