so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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