This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
