So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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