I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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