Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
